Letter From Death's Realm

by Alex Kimball

I can stare into space for as long as I'd like to. It won't change anything. It won't rewind the past, and make things like they used to be. It won't give me back my heart, won't steal it from you and return it. I can't change one iota of the universe. I can only exist, let my atoms revolve in their orbits, let the chemicals that make up my body molder. I died today, and you never noticed.

They want us to be afraid of death. Well it's not that scary, and I welcomed its relief. I let myself slip into the next realm, and discovered nothing changes. I still ache for you. I still miss you. I still wish for you in my arms every second I'm not hating myself. I'm still powerless in the grasp of my love for you. The others here, say that there is a realm beyond death, one that we can enter only after we've lost all emotion for those that are living. One spirit has been here for fifty years, waiting for his highschool sweetheart to pass on. Another was here only an hour, they say, and murmur in fear at a life so bereft of any love. I don't know if I can wait for you to die. I don't know what will happen. Will I move on as soon as you die? Or will we meet for a second before I fade out into the next realm? In that moment, if it happens, what will you say to me? Will you even recognize me? Can two souls that have so touched not recognize each other?

I don't know. I don't know anything anymore, not even what I have been told, and deep in my heart know is true. My heart stopped beating yesterday, chemicals from the pills I took freezing it mid-beat. If they've even found my body yet, I know it will be possibly weeks before you find out. Before you realize that the gaping hole in your heart is my life, gone forever from your existence. Because even if we meet in one of these deathly realms, I can't love you anymore. I can't let myself. It hurts too much to care so deeply for another soul. And I've had enough pain in my life to last forever.

...finis...